Republican Senator Ted Cruz Vows To Crush Science.


Republican Senator Ted Cruz has been appointed as the new chair of the Senate subcommittee on Space, Science and Competitiveness. On FOX News, he has declared the first thing he will do is end the debate concerning global warming by cutting all funding to any agency under his purview that even mentions anything about global warming in its mission statement and by removing any accumulated data from the record books.

“By eliminating the data, that will finally show once and for all that there is no global warming”. He proclaimed.

He also plans to have NASA turn the famed Hubble telescope to point to the area of the skies where Heaven is thought to be so the world can finally get a glimpse of God. “If anything can finally prove to the non-believers that God exists, Hubble is our tool”. He added “We can finally put the trillions of dollars the tax payers wasted on that floating hunk of junk to good use”. Some on Capitol Hill believe Cruz intends to let the NSA borrow the Hubble from time to time to assist in surveillance duties.

It is also rumored that within a year, Cruz plans to have a man land on Mars and claim the planet a new territory for the United States. He declined to comment on the record, but others close to Cruz have said that, recently, after he read the Cliffnotes for the book “David Starr, Space Ranger”, he told them he realized that the U.S. must land a man on Mars as soon as possible in order to show its exceptionalism. The sources also said that Cruz planned to get around the tremendous technical challenges concerning the endeavor by giving tons of money to private space industries, and also to destroy any scientific papers and references to those problems, thereby wiping the problems from existence.


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