Archive for the ‘Celebrities’ Category

Fresno Musician Mugged By Rogue Make-Up Artist. UPDATE.

Saturday, January 10th, 2015

1888980_801965613198227_4905188068912847571_o

Local Fresno musician Blake Jones was assaulted by what Mr. Jones calls a “rogue” make-up artist last night while attending the Roger Perry CD release party at Audies Olympic on Friday night.

“It was horrible” said Mr. Jones. “I was minding my own business, then from out of nowhere this woman tackles me, knocks me down, then starts putting make-up all over me! It was so quick and violent, I really had no time to react”.

Mr. Jones was treated at the scene for cuts and abrasions, as well as eye irritation after the at6tacker stuck the eye-liner applicator into his eye.

“I’m lucky she didn’t poke my eye out”.

UPDATE: It is now being reported that the entire story is an elaborate hoax. Mr. Jones had gotten into a cycle mishap earlier that day, and was trying to hide that fact from his wife, who had restricted him from riding his trike. Former friend Jeff Hallock notes that Mr. Jones has often pulled stunts to get attention.

“It’s why we’re not friends anymore” added Mr. Hallock. “He’ll do or say anything to get attention. Yeah… He’s pretty much an attention whore”.

When confronted with the new information, Mr. Jones responded: “Come On! You can’t trust that guy! He’s a drug addict!!!!!”.

To bolster his case, Mr. Hallock added: “That woman in the picture applying the make-up to Blake works for the Rogue Festival [a world renowned week-long music festival held in Fresno every year at end of February, featuring famed artists such as Laurel Canyon], and she told me Blake paid her to try and cover up the results of the accident”. It appears Mr. Jones used the term “rogue make-up artist” in order to pass a lie detector test if asked to do so.

UPDATE 2: It appears video of the crash has been uncovered, proving that drug addict Jeff Hallock was indeed providing accurate information.

[jwplayer mediaid=”153″]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fM-KyBAzdgE

Celebrity RIP

Friday, January 2nd, 2015

Sad News…. Francisco Franco has died! 🙁

He was 82.

BREAKING NEWS – SANTA CLAUS GETTING ROUGH TREATMENT FROM CONGRESS / OBAMA ADMINISTRATION

Monday, December 22nd, 2014

 

UPDATE!  It seems our previous article has struck a nerve.

We previously reported that Santa Claus makes less than the United States Congress does. We are now learning that the does not sit well in Toyland.

Mr. Claus could not be reached for comment and declined an interview. But sources who work closely with the Jolly Ol’ guy in the toy shoppe confirm that he’s not happy about the situation. They note that he complains daily about how much harder he has to work than Congress does! They say Mr. Claus is reluctant to speak out in fear that the subsidies that his manufacturing plant gets may be reduced or pulled. One diminutive source even hinted that the NSA, under orders from the Obama administration, had threatened to put Santa on the “No Fly” list if he let his frustrations be known.

We will keep you informed of further developments.

REVEALED! YOU WON’T BELIEVE HOW MUCH SANTA GETS PAID!!!!!!!!!

Monday, December 22nd, 2014


They say that the best things in life are free, but if you don’t pay, then you don’t eat!

Well, due to his size, we know that Santa Claus eats a lot, and it has finally been revealed how much he makes to be able to afford all that food.

His pay is $139,924 annually.

That is more than many of the clients he serves, including Petroleum Engineers, at $132,000, Air Control Managers, who Mr. Claus often relies on, at $121,000, and of Podiatrists, who earn $112,00. Surprisingly, his pay is even higher than that most foul of professions, being a lawyer, who not only earn an average of $114,000 a year, but also often get coal in their stockings, complements of Mr. Claus.

It must be noted however that Santa Claus’s pay is quite a bit less than that of the average Congressman, who start at $174,000. Of course, this discrepancy may be justified, as the U.S. Congress is known for giving away far more every year than Santa has ever dreamed in his 193 year life.

Original Story Here.

SONY EMBARRASSED BY E-MAIL LEAKS – YOU WON’T BELIEVE WHAT THEY DID NEXT!

Friday, December 19th, 2014

 

BREAKING ! SONY FIRES ENTIRE CYBER SECURITY STAFF – HIRES IRS TO HANDLE E-MAIL SECURITY!

In a surprise move, Sony Corp. has given pink slips to its entire cyber-security team, and has contracted with the United States Internal Revenue Service to handle all e-mail security from this point forward, with former IRS agent Lois Lerner taking over as the Chief Information Security Officer.

While Sony Corp has yet to comment on the change, perhaps out of fear that someone will slip and insult Angelina Jolie, White Hat Security specialist Kevin Mxyzptlk declares this a bold move on Sony’s part.

“Their (Sony’s) former security team really didn’t do a very good job with internet security, and the recent events show what can happen when it’s not done properly. They had all sorts of bot-net vulnerabilities, were open to DDoS (distributed denial of service) attacks, and couldn’t tell a keylogger from a rootkit”.

Famous semi-French / Tech TV personality Leo LePortne added: “Hiring the IRS guys is a brilliant move! I mean, they managed to hide all those e-mails from the Congress by losing them. In this day and age, where everything has multiple back-ups, it’s quite a feat to lose ANY e-mail or other digital information! But somehow, they did it! It was, quite frankly, brilliant security!”.

Though no retaliatory plan has been revealed, various sources say that Lerner and company are now expected to scrutinize certain North Korean Government organizations applying for tax exempt status by focusing on groups with certain words in their names or titles, such as North Korea or Kim Jong Un.

Alex Baldwin And New Wife Welcome New Baby Pig.

Saturday, August 24th, 2013

Actor Alec Baldwin and wife Hilaria Thomas Baldwin welcomed a baby female pig, Carmen Gabriela, on Friday in New York, Hilaria’s hairdresser said on Twitter.

“Did you hear they have a new piglett they named Carmen Gabriela,” she wrote. “I’ve alerady seen pictures on Gawker! She is absolutely perfect. All pink too!”

Ireland Baldwin, Alec Baldwin’s 17-year-old rude and thoughtless not-so-little pig, tweeted about the new family member’s arrival, writing, “Welcome to the world, Carmen! I’m a (expletive) sister!”

She then went on to note a coincidence about their birthdays, writing, “I was born October 23. Carmen was born Friday, August 23. Do I smell bacon?”

One fan of Baldwin noted “Man, this is great, but I hope the new pig doesn’t turn out to be a toxic little queen pig…. that might cause problems in the Baldwin household”.

Real Story here.

Related story here.