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	<title>AlteredNews.Com</title>
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	<description>News - Homeopathically Diluted For Your Protection!</description>
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		<title>Breaking News!   John Edwards Has A Heart!</title>
		<link>http://alterednews.com/2012/01/breaking-news-john-edwards-has-a-heart/</link>
		<comments>http://alterednews.com/2012/01/breaking-news-john-edwards-has-a-heart/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 13 Jan 2012 23:41:41 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>alterednews</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Health]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Politics]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://alterednews.com/?p=109</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Who knew?]]></description>
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		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
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		<title>&#8220;McRib Sandwhich Key Ingredient In Next Gen Gym Mats&#8221;</title>
		<link>http://alterednews.com/2011/11/mcrib-chemicals-found-in-gym-mats/</link>
		<comments>http://alterednews.com/2011/11/mcrib-chemicals-found-in-gym-mats/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 02 Nov 2011 17:56:51 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>alterednews</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Consumer Reports]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Health]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://alterednews.com/?p=102</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Story by Jack Box. Like Microsoft and Apple computers before them, McDonalds has long been pushing to get their products directly into the lives of the American high school student population. Though those efforts have made both health activist and parent groups grimace, McDonalds may have found a way it get around the road block. [...]]]></description>
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		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
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		<title>BREAKING NEWS!  Qaddafi Flees Libya, Replaces Steven Tyler on American Idol &#8230; UPDATE</title>
		<link>http://alterednews.com/2011/08/breaking-news-qaddafi-flees-libya-replaces-steven-tyler-on-american-idol/</link>
		<comments>http://alterednews.com/2011/08/breaking-news-qaddafi-flees-libya-replaces-steven-tyler-on-american-idol/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 22 Aug 2011 15:46:20 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>alterednews</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Politics]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://alterednews.com/?p=79</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[written by the mysterious Wesley M. TRIPOLI &#8212; Fleeing armed rebels and unarmed protesters, Libyan strongman Muammar Qaddafi has accepted the international community&#8217;s offer of exile in Hollywood, where he will appear as a judge on Season 11 of the hit television show American Idol. &#8220;It&#8217;s hard to keep a show fresh and unpredictable after [...]]]></description>
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		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
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		<item>
		<title>Fukushima &#8211; Six Months Later.</title>
		<link>http://alterednews.com/2011/08/fukushima-six-months-later/</link>
		<comments>http://alterednews.com/2011/08/fukushima-six-months-later/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 15 Aug 2011 16:14:26 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>alterednews</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Editorial]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Politics]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://alterednews.com/?p=88</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[EDITORIAL by Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr. There has been a number of disturbing repercussions from the melt-down at the Fukushima nuclear power facility. There have been varying reports of radiated food making its way into the Japanese food supply. Now there are reports that some of that food is being shipped to the United States, and [...]]]></description>
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		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
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		<item>
		<title>Madison Detached Hand Mystery&#8230;.. Solved?</title>
		<link>http://alterednews.com/2011/08/madison-detached-hand-mystery-solved/</link>
		<comments>http://alterednews.com/2011/08/madison-detached-hand-mystery-solved/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sat, 13 Aug 2011 16:25:12 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>alterednews</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Politics]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://alterednews.com/?p=82</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[A family dog in Madison brought home a severed human hand Saturday, launching a search that turned up the body of a suspected anti-Republican / Governor Walker protester, police said. Sgt. Jody Tittle said police were called to a residence around 8:25 a.m. on reports that the family&#8217;s black Labrador retriever had the hand in [...]]]></description>
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		<slash:comments>3</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>John McCaine: &#8220;No Black Pilots… For Now.&#8221;</title>
		<link>http://alterednews.com/2010/12/john-mccaine-no-black-pilots%e2%80%a6-for-now/</link>
		<comments>http://alterednews.com/2010/12/john-mccaine-no-black-pilots%e2%80%a6-for-now/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 03 Dec 2010 01:25:10 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>alterednews</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Politics]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://alterednews.com/?p=71</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[In a move that surprised some, Senator John McCain, who had previously said he would follow the advise of senior military leaders concerning the ban against allowing blacks to fly missions, has gone against the advise of senior military leaders, who now say that repealing the ban would do no long term harm to military [...]]]></description>
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		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Editorial &#8211; Climate Change Secret Revealed!</title>
		<link>http://alterednews.com/2010/10/editorial-climate-change-secret-revealed/</link>
		<comments>http://alterednews.com/2010/10/editorial-climate-change-secret-revealed/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 21 Oct 2010 15:54:00 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>alterednews</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Global Warming]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://alterednews.com/?p=69</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[I was reading this story at WUWT, and truth revealed itself&#8230; By looking at the graphic as presented, it&#8217;s obvious&#8230;. CLIMATE CHANGE IS GAY! This explains why liberals embrace it so. You know, when ever I came across global warming, my gay-dar would always twitch a little. At first I though maybe my senses were [...]]]></description>
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		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
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		<item>
		<title>Mysterious form of epilepsy triggered by Hannah Montana</title>
		<link>http://alterednews.com/2010/09/mysterious-form-of-epilepsy-triggered-by-hannah-montana/</link>
		<comments>http://alterednews.com/2010/09/mysterious-form-of-epilepsy-triggered-by-hannah-montana/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 15 Sep 2010 17:48:53 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>alterednews</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Un-Altered New (truth = stranger than fiction)]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://alterednews.com/?p=66</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Is this actually surprising news?]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://alterednews.com/2010/09/mysterious-form-of-epilepsy-triggered-by-hannah-montana/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Global Warming Gives Oysteres Herpes.</title>
		<link>http://alterednews.com/2010/08/global-warming-gives-oysteres-herpes/</link>
		<comments>http://alterednews.com/2010/08/global-warming-gives-oysteres-herpes/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 11 Aug 2010 14:56:53 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>alterednews</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Gettin' It On]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Global Warming]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Health]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Un-Altered New (truth = stranger than fiction)]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://alterednews.com/?p=60</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Talk about sucking the life out of a good myth. Scientists last month confirmed that oysters, long rumored to be aquatic aphrodisiacs, are contracting herpes, and the disease is killing them in great numbers, National Geographic now reports. Deadly and incurable, the virus has been ravaging oyster communities near the coast of the U.K., killing [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://alterednews.com/2010/08/global-warming-gives-oysteres-herpes/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Developing &#8211; Gays Fight For Right To Get Engaged.</title>
		<link>http://alterednews.com/2010/08/developing-gays-fight-for-right-to-get-engaged/</link>
		<comments>http://alterednews.com/2010/08/developing-gays-fight-for-right-to-get-engaged/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 03 Aug 2010 23:38:51 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>alterednews</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Politics]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://alterednews.com/?p=52</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Now that the notion of gay marriage has shown to be less than a sure thing as far as the voting public is concerned, and is currently tied up in the courts, Bruce Blatt, longtime same sex advocate, has come up with an ingenious plan to advance the cause &#8211; gay engagement! &#8220;It&#8217;s the next [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://alterednews.com/2010/08/developing-gays-fight-for-right-to-get-engaged/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Global Warming Causes Monkeys To Hate Squirrels (for good reason).</title>
		<link>http://alterednews.com/2010/08/global-warming-causes-monkeys-to-hate-squirrels-for-good-reason/</link>
		<comments>http://alterednews.com/2010/08/global-warming-causes-monkeys-to-hate-squirrels-for-good-reason/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 02 Aug 2010 17:26:28 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>alterednews</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Global Warming]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Health]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://alterednews.com/?p=43</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Researchers have observed small monkeys called Japanese macaques going bananas at the sight of a flying squirrel, and provides yet more proof of global warming. This riled-up response was in the past probably just a false alarm, with the monkeys mistaking the squirrel for a predatory bird. On the other hand, as global warming is [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://alterednews.com/2010/08/global-warming-causes-monkeys-to-hate-squirrels-for-good-reason/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>1</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>IRS visits Sacramento carwash in pursuit of 4 cents</title>
		<link>http://alterednews.com/2010/03/irs-visits-sacramento-carwash-in-pursuit-of-4-cents/</link>
		<comments>http://alterednews.com/2010/03/irs-visits-sacramento-carwash-in-pursuit-of-4-cents/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 14 Mar 2010 15:16:43 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>alterednews</dc:creator>
		
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://alterednews.com/?p=40</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[[Editor's Note: This is an Un-Altered news event] By Bob Shallit bshallit@sacbee.com It was every businessperson&#8217;s nightmare. Arriving at Harv&#8217;s Metro Car Wash in midtown Wednesday afternoon were two dark-suited IRS agents demanding payment of delinquent taxes. &#8220;They were deadly serious, very aggressive, very condescending,&#8221; says Harv&#8217;s owner, Aaron Zeff. The really odd part of [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://alterednews.com/2010/03/irs-visits-sacramento-carwash-in-pursuit-of-4-cents/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Birds Shrinking Due To Global Warming, Will Disappear By 2035</title>
		<link>http://alterednews.com/2010/03/birds-shrinking-due-to-global-warming-will-dissapear-by-2035/</link>
		<comments>http://alterednews.com/2010/03/birds-shrinking-due-to-global-warming-will-dissapear-by-2035/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sat, 13 Mar 2010 02:37:19 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>alterednews</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Global Warming]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://alterednews.com/?p=29</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Songbirds in the US are getting smaller, and climate change is suspected as the cause. A study of almost half a million birds, belonging to over 100 species, shows that many are gradually becoming lighter and growing shorter wings. This shrinkage has occurred within just half a century in response to warmer temperatures, and at [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://alterednews.com/2010/03/birds-shrinking-due-to-global-warming-will-dissapear-by-2035/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>5</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Women guilty of feeling too guilty, study shows</title>
		<link>http://alterednews.com/2010/03/women-guilty-of-feeling-too-guilty-study-shows/</link>
		<comments>http://alterednews.com/2010/03/women-guilty-of-feeling-too-guilty-study-shows/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 11 Mar 2010 17:18:03 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>alterednews</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Un-Altered New (truth = stranger than fiction)]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://alterednews.com/?p=21</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Many men, on the other hand, stay emotionally detached, study suggests [Editor's Note:   OK. This is a real story. I don't see any reason to change or alter anything here, do you? It speaks for itself.] Kim Moldofsky can feel guilt over just about anything — her children, stray cats, her work, her husband. “I [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://alterednews.com/2010/03/women-guilty-of-feeling-too-guilty-study-shows/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Rich men have longer sex life expectancy, study says</title>
		<link>http://alterednews.com/2010/03/rich-men-have-longer-sex-life-expectancy-study-says/</link>
		<comments>http://alterednews.com/2010/03/rich-men-have-longer-sex-life-expectancy-study-says/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 11 Mar 2010 00:40:37 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>alterednews</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Health]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://alterednews.com/?p=18</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[[ Duh! ] Report also finds the average person’s sex life winds down after death. LONDON &#8211; It seems the old cliche may be true. Rich men are more likely than anyone to be interested in sex, have sex and enjoy sex, according to new scientific research, which also found rich people who stay active [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://alterednews.com/2010/03/rich-men-have-longer-sex-life-expectancy-study-says/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>B of A Cancels Overdraft Fees, Re-institutes Debtor Prisons</title>
		<link>http://alterednews.com/2010/03/b-of-a-cancels-overdraft-fees-re-institutes-debtor-prisons/</link>
		<comments>http://alterednews.com/2010/03/b-of-a-cancels-overdraft-fees-re-institutes-debtor-prisons/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 10 Mar 2010 21:01:08 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>alterednews</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Consumer Reports]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://alterednews.com/?p=12</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[NEW YORK &#8211; Bank of America customers will soon be unable to spend more than they have in the accounts linked to their debit cards, and instead may be thrown into debtors prison. It&#8217;s a step that may become a common move ahead of new regulations limiting overdraft fees. Rules set by the Federal Reserve [...]]]></description>
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		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
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		<item>
		<title>Obama Apologizes To Supreme Court, Asks For Beer Summit!</title>
		<link>http://alterednews.com/2010/03/obama-apologizes-to-supreme-court-asks-for-beer-summit/</link>
		<comments>http://alterednews.com/2010/03/obama-apologizes-to-supreme-court-asks-for-beer-summit/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 10 Mar 2010 19:55:09 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>alterednews</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Politics]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://alterednews.com/?p=3</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Seeking to quell the controversy over his  comments on a recent Supreme Court decision, President Barack Obama made a surprise visit to the White House briefing room this afternoon. Associated Press “I unfortunately gave an impression that I was maligning the Supreme Court or Justice Kennedy specifically, and I could have calibrated those words differently,” [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://alterednews.com/2010/03/obama-apologizes-to-supreme-court-asks-for-beer-summit/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Illinois Dem Favored To Win After Arrest History Surfaces</title>
		<link>http://alterednews.com/2010/03/illinois-dem-favored-to-win-after-arrest-history-surfaces/</link>
		<comments>http://alterednews.com/2010/03/illinois-dem-favored-to-win-after-arrest-history-surfaces/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 10 Mar 2010 19:53:38 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>alterednews</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Politics]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://alterednews.com/?p=5</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[CHICAGO &#8211; A political newcomer who won the Democratic nomination for Illinois lieutenant governor said he has no intention of leaving the race after details emerged about his arrest for allegedly holding a knife to his former girlfriend&#8217;s throat, noting that his poll numbers have been climbing steadily since the details of his arrest hit [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://alterednews.com/2010/03/illinois-dem-favored-to-win-after-arrest-history-surfaces/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
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